Today I want to talk about Independence.
We all want our child to become independent. But what do we mean by independence?
Many parents come to Montessori because their child want to do something by himself.
Others discover Montessori and have the hope that their little one will be more independent – in other words, that she will play by herself for long stretches of time.
When we think about independence, we picture our child being able to dress and undress, pour her own drink and prepare her own snack.
With what you know about Montessori, maybe you’re providing child’s size items and activities to your little one, demonstrate once, then expect her to repeat the activities on her own.
This is where we can get sorely disappointed!
What do we mean by functional independence?
For children under the age of 3, it’s all about physical independence, the ability to use their body, to strengthen their gross and fine motor skills. It’s about language, being able to ask, to name and to make themselves understood.
Without those basic skills, a child will not be able to pour his own drink.
So, the goal is not to be able to serve themselves a snack, the goal is to develop skills that will later make them independent.
This is why we help them to do stuff by themselves, BUT WE ARE STILL THERE!
We need to be patient, assess our expectations, and support their quest toward independence.
I love this quote from Maria Montessori: “never help a child at a task which he feels can succeed”.
This quote is very famous among Montessori enthusiasts.
Yes, we need to let the child try. But the second part of this quote is important too: “a task which he feels he can succeed”.
If we see Independence as the Holy Grail, like I did, we become pushy, we let our child try to the point of frustration or we feel annoyed that he cannot do it yet. We compare our child to other children.
Ah, again the danger of social media comparison!
We need to follow our own child. What is she capable of doing today? What is the extra step she needs to achieve this particular task? What can we do to support her independence?
Check what you could do in the kitchen with a toddler. I deliberately didn’t include ages as you need to follow your own child!