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The Role of Oral Language in Raising Happy Kids

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Firstly, we must understand that the pre-school years (3-5 year olds) are an important stage of language development that speech pathologists refer to as the โ€˜talking to learnโ€™ period. During this period, children are no longer โ€˜learning to talkโ€™ and instead use their oral language skills for thinking.

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We all want the same thing for our children โ€“ to be โ€˜happyโ€™. Happiness is defined by positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky as โ€œthe experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that oneโ€™s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.โ€

Happy kids have a positive well-being and grow up knowing; they are kind, they are smart, and they are important. So how do we instil these attributes in our children?

Talking to Learn

Firstly, we must understand that the pre-school years (3-5 year olds) are an important stage of language development that speech pathologists refer to as the โ€˜talking to learnโ€™ period. During this period, children are no longer โ€˜learning to talkโ€™ and instead use their oral language skills for thinking. Critical thinking happens when children draw on their existing knowledge and experiences to solve problems, predict outcomes, form opinions, compare scenarios, express emotions, project thoughts, evaluate ideas and think creatively. It is this โ€˜language for thinkingโ€™ that lays the foundation for growing โ€˜kind, smart and importantโ€™ humans. Hereโ€™s how

โ€˜You is Kindโ€™

โ€œYou never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view โ€“ until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.โ€ Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird

To be kind, our children need to develop a skill known as โ€˜theory of mindโ€™. The understanding that people donโ€™t share the same thoughts and feelings as you do develops during childhood, and is called โ€œtheory of mindโ€ (Lauren Lowry, The Hanen Centre). Like many other social skills, oral language is a crucial element in developing theory of mind particularly through the โ€˜language of projectionโ€™.

The language of projection uses complex โ€˜what ifโ€™ statements to help children see things from a different perspective, a skill that does not come naturally to young children who are inherently egocentric.

Tips for Projecting

Projecting Feelings: โ€œIf I were the little pig, I would feel very frightened when my house was destroyed by the big, bad wolf.โ€

Projecting Words: โ€œIf you were Baby Bear, what would you say to Goldilocks when you saw her sleeping in your bed?โ€

Projecting Needs/Wants: โ€œIf I were the Wild Child, I would want a bottle of warm milk.โ€

If we nurture this โ€˜language of projectionโ€™, we will help build empathy in our children, allowing them to form and maintain strong relationships in school and in life and ultimately be โ€˜kindโ€™ human beings. In fact, studies have shown that when mothers use words that refer to thinking and feeling when they talk to their child, it helps their childโ€™s theory of mind development (Ruffman, T., Slade, L., & Crowe, E., 2003).

Talking Tip: Role play and pretending is a particularly powerful tool in developing the language of projection, theory of mind skills and ultimately empathy. An adult who joins in the pretend play is not just a โ€˜fun parentโ€™!

โ€˜You is Smartโ€™

โ€œIf you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will forever think itโ€™s stupid.โ€ โ€“ Albert Einstein

There are all kinds of โ€˜smartsโ€™ in the world, but it is generally accepted that your ability to identify a problem, brainstorm solutions and attempt to solve a problem is a strong indicator of โ€˜intelligenceโ€™ and a useful one too. The oral language skills required to problem solve is an important skill for your children to practise and develop in order to be โ€˜smartโ€™.

In a reading context, identifying the main problem in a story and discussing alternative solutions is a great read aloud strategy for parents to support their childโ€™s problem solving and reading comprehension abilities, now and in the future.

Problem Solving in Stories

Identify the problem: โ€œWhat is Gerald the giraffeโ€™s problem?โ€

Brainstorm solutions: โ€œHow else could Incy Wincy have reached the top of the water spout?โ€

Decide on best option: โ€œWould you call for help or try to save Alexander the duck yourself? Why?โ€

There are multiple opportunities throughout our everyday lives where we can practise the language of problem solving with our children. Modelling the thinking process of problem solving aloud is great way to incidentally support your childrenโ€™s critical thinking. Parents and educators who are the most successful at developing problem solving are those who sound genuine in their language and allow their child opportunities to participate in the process.

Problem Solving in Everyday Life

Identify the problem: โ€œI am not sure how I will fit all this washing on the line.โ€

Brainstorm solutions: โ€œMaybe I could put the big items on the washing line outside. Or maybe I should just drape the sheets over the furniture and turn the fan on.โ€

Prompt for rationale: โ€œWhy do I need to turn the fan on?โ€

Talking Tip: Try to balance your comments and questions so it feels like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It is your comments not your questions that will give your child the language they need, before they read.

Happy teacher drawing with children at preschool and talking to a smiling little girl.

โ€˜You is Importantโ€™

โ€œChildren must be taught how to think. Not what to think.โ€ โ€“ Albert Einstein

The ability to make judgements, form opinions, link prior knowledge to new learnings and compare their own experiences with others will all support your childrenโ€™s sense of self-important and is vital in todayโ€™s modern world. As speech pathologists, we encourage parents and educators to use the โ€˜language of evaluations and experiencesโ€™ to contribute to your childโ€™s sense of self-importance.

Talking Tip for Parents

Link to experiences: โ€œThis reminds me of that time we went to the beach and saw a horse.โ€

Link to prior knowledge: โ€œThe dog in the story looks just like our neighbourโ€™s dog.โ€

Share your thoughts: โ€œI think that the frog was being very greedy and not sharing.โ€

Share your opinions: โ€œWhich page of the book was your favourite?โ€

While using the โ€˜language of evaluationsโ€™ is an important skill to develop a childโ€™s sense of worth, the actual โ€˜processโ€™ of turning reading into a conversation is powerful too. โ€œReading is most valuable when it is accompanied by interactive discussion, including questions to invite responses and opinions.โ€(Morrow & Gambrell, 2004; Storch & Whitehurts, 2002)

Talking Tip: The back and forth conversations that occur during book reading time not only builds strong oral language skills but will create a โ€˜reciprocal respectโ€™ that ensures children feel their opinions, thoughts and feelings are heard.

cute baby girl sitting on floor and reading book with mom

Oral Language is a Superpower

Critical thinking and oral language have a reciprocal relationship โ€“ as one skill grows so too does the other. Speech language pathologists refer to these critical thinking skills as โ€˜language for thinkingโ€™ and they contribute significantly to future success in communication skills, reading comprehension, overall academic success and more importantly to becoming โ€˜happyโ€™ little humans. In fact, research shows that oral language is a superpower as a childโ€™s level of language skills before entering school actually predicts their success in both math and in reading, and even to social skills (Pace et al., 2018).

Pre-school aged children rely heavily on the supporting adults around them to foster these skills early in life during talking, playing and reading. In fact, children are born with the potential for critical thinking skills but the presence of these skills and the extent to which they are evident rely heavily on their environment (Centre for Developing Child, Harvard University).

It is in โ€˜what we sayโ€™ as parents and educators that truly matters.

We cannot guarantee oral language prowess will buy our children โ€˜happinessโ€™ but there is no doubt that oral language is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

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Roger Cai

Hey, Iโ€™m Roger, the founder of Xiha Montessori, a family-run business. We specialize in preschool furniture and educational solutions.
Over the past 20 years, we have helped clients in 55 countries and 2000+ preschools, daycares, and early childcare centers create safe and inspiring learning environments.
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